


Bouquet

by BAEcml



Series: Flowers and Love (Hanahaki Disease AU) [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Blood is mentioned once or twice, Flowers, Hanahaki Disease, Hospital, I love Soonyoung, Language of Flowers, M/M, Many beautiful things can be deadly, Seungcheol is an idiot, Soonyoung is bestfriend goals, Unrequited Love, flowers are beautiful, love is beautiful too, ongoing editing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-25
Updated: 2015-11-05
Packaged: 2018-04-28 03:26:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5076007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BAEcml/pseuds/BAEcml
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jihoon takes a closer look at the flowers scattered on the bathroom floor. He thought on making a bouquet from them that he can give to him. That would be really beautiful if only the flowers did not came from his own mouth, which he vomited.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Daffodils

**Author's Note:**

> So hello AO3 readers. I had this story published in AFF too just thought of sharing this in here. Well here you go.

Jihoon woke up not feeling really well. His throat is really itchy that he can't stop himself from coughing. It's already afternoon and they are in the practice room.

_Cough. Cough. Cough._

"Hyung, I think you should take a rest," Chan said.

"He's right Jihoon-ah, you've been coughing since this morning you might damage your voice" Jeonghan said.

"No. I'm completely fine. You don't have to-" Jihoon tried to say but was cut as he suddenly became a coughing mess.

He had his head hang low, one of his hands in his knee while the other one was clutching his chest.

The members gathered around him, worry evident on their faces. Seungcheol came closer to Jihoon and caressed his back hoping to comfort the other.

Jihoon suddenly run to the bathroom and locked the door before he throwing up in the sink. He had his eyes closed. He can feel the substances travelling from his throat to his mouth but unlike a normal throwing up, the acid taste is not there.

When he opened his eyes he suddenly backed away. He can't believe his eyes. Instead of seeing the food he ate at lunch, Jihoon saw petals on the sink. Yellow petals.

Jihoon didn't know for how long he stood there, back against the wall and eyes wide as saucers. He was brought back from his shock by a knock on the bathroom door.

"Ji are you okay there?" it was Seungcheol and Jihoon suddenly felt like throwing up again and he did.

"Hey Ji. Open the door!" Seungcheol yelled while still banging the door.

"S-soonyoung. Call soonyoung" Jihoon said after he recovered from vomiting. He didn't know what was happening to him and he didn't know who to talk to and decided that his bestfriend might do.

"Soonyoung! Soonyoung! Come here fast!" Jihoon heard Seungcheol shouting.

"Jihoon is asking for you," Seungcheol said.

"Jihoon open up." Soonyoung was now the one knocking on the door.

Jihoon opened the door a little, just enough for Soonyoung to get through and closed it before Seungcheol had the chance to peek in.

Soonyoung took his time to look at Jihoon's appearance the moment he got in. The younger was really pale and he looked like he's in the verge of tears.

"Jihoon come here," Soonyoung opened his arms. Jihoon didn't even had to think twice as he approached him for a hug. "What happened to you? You won't call me here if it's not serious. What's the problem?"

"S-Soonyoung. . . I-I throw up. . . petals . . ." Jihoon couldn't even form a coherent sentence as he sobbed into the taller's chest.

Soonyoung turned to look at the sink and found it half full with yellow petals. "Jihoonie, relax okay? First we need to clean this up then we'll talk okay?" Soonyoung said rubbing Jihoon's back. He let go of Jihoon after he settled down a bit. They threw everything in the trash bin. Jihoon washed his face before they got out.

"Seungcheol-hyung, I'm taking Jihoon back to the dorm. He's not quite feeling well" Soonyoung announced the moment they step out of the bathroom.

"Do you need to go to hospital?" Seungcheol asked worried. Upon hearing their leader's voice Jihoon suddenly felt like throwing up again. Soonyoung noticed how Jihoon's body shivered suddenly and he rubbed a comforting hand on the younger's back.

"No need hyung. I'll just ask manager-nim to drive us to the dorm." Soonyoung said escorting Jihoon out of the practice room. "Don't worry hyung, I'll take care of him" Soonyoung said when he noticed Seungcheol fastly approaching them. Seungcheol stopped on his tracks as the door was suddenly shut right into his face.

* * *

 

"You're feeling better right?" Soonyoung asks once they reached their dorm. Jihoon nods on that. It's weird but Jihoon is indeed feeling better, he does not feel like throwing up again but his throat is still itchy.

Soonyoung sits down on the couch and pats the space beside him urging Jihoon to take a sit. "You're in love with Seungcheol hyung." He says once the younger settles beside him. It's not even a question.

"W-what? W-what are you, H-how did you know?" Jihoon made sure to hide his feelings for their leader well, that is why he is shocked to know that someone knew.

"Jihoonie I'm not your bestfriend for nothing." Soonyoung smiles at his bestfriend. Silence engulfs them for a while before Jihoon decides to break it.

"About the incident in the bathroom earlier," Jihoon starts " I don't really know what happened."

"It's called Hanahaki disease" Soonyoung says in a soft voice.

"Hana what?" Jihoon asks a little bit confused.

"Hanahaki disease. It's really a rare case. It's a condition when someone experiences a strong one-sided love that he or she starts to vomit petals." Soonyoung answers. It takes a while for everything to sink in for Jihoon.

"D-does this has a cure?" Jihoon asks after a while.

"The easiest cure is for Seungcheol hyung to return your feelings" Soonyoung answers "but it seems like he's not even aware of your feelings for him."

"I can't tell him, you know, we all know he's in love with Jeonghan hyung" Jihoon can feel his chest ache.

"There's another option tho. You can get a surgery, but it has a side effect" Soonyoung holds one of Jihoon's hand "you will lose your feeling for Seungcheol along with the disease."

They are once again engulfed by silence. Their shoulders heavy with the weight of the situation Jihoon is in. 

"Those were daffodils," Soonyoung says after a while, rubbing his thumb over the knuckles of the other's fingers.

"What?" Jihoon asks.

"The petals you vomited," Soonyoung answers. "Daffodils. Unrequited love."

"How did you know about all of this hyung?" Jihoon asks again, looking up to his bestfriend, holding eye contact. The older seems to know a lot about this disease that he can't help but be curious.

"Remember when we were still trainees and I was gone for a month?" Jihoon nods, Soonyoung was said to be sick that one month "I underwent a surgery because I suffered from the same disease."

Jihoon can't believe what he just heard. "Who was it hyung? Who did you fall in love with?".

Soonyoung answers, still holding eye contact, voice too soft that Jihoon almost does not hear it " ** _You._** "


	2. Camellia and Carnations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be a little bit long (well for me it's long) anyways I hope you'll like it.

"What was it like hyung?" Jihoon asked Soonyoung one night when they were the only persons awake. They were in Jihoon's studio.

"What?" Soonyoung said looking up to the younger. Soonyoung take the responsibility to look after Jihoon after that incident in the bathroom since the younger refused to tell anyone even his parents.

"The surgery. How does it feel?" After he found out about his hyung's feeling for him before, he felt guilty. He did not have even a single clue about his feelings for him and after knowing that Soonyoung suffered because of him he can't help but blame himself.

"The surgery itself is nothing special. It was just simple, they're going to open you up and remove the flowers and everything. But the side effect is what made it different," Jihoon keep silent as he let Soonyoung talk "After the operation I felt empty like there's a hole in my heart. When I saw you for the first time after the operation the hype and spark I felt for you was gone. I'm not even sure if I should be happy or sad that time."

"I really missed loving you Jihoonie," Soonyoung said after a long silence filled the room.

"Y-you really don't feel anything for me now?" Jihoon asked.

"There's none really. At first I was longing for that feeling I was so familiar with, but it was completely gone. It really hurt me before knowing that I can't love you anymore that I really regret my decision," Soonyoung said while maintaining eye contact "but don't worry that was all in the past. It's been what? 2 years?"

"I-I'm really sorry hyung, if I just knew-"

"Don't be sorry. Even if you knew back then it won't make any difference. You're in love with Seungcheol hyung," Soonyoung said with a soft sincere smile plastered on his lips. "And I can never, we can never force someone to love us back."

* * *

 

Jihoon take a closer look on the flowers scattered on the bathroom floor. It's not that much unlike the first time he starts vomiting flowers. Soonyoung explained to him that it's normal to throw up that many on your first time but it will eventually subside depending on the depths of your emotions. According to Soonyoung when he was still 'sick' he throwed up two to five flowers each day but Jihoon throws up a handful of flowers every morning and night. The older pointed out that Jihoon's feeling for Seungcheol is deeper than how he felt for the younger back then. Jihoon does not know how to feel after that.

It was Camellia this time. Pink Camellias. It has been Daffodils for the first month and Jihoon thought that it will remain that way but that morning it changed.

Longing for you. That's the meaning Jihoon found out after doing some research. The flowers really adjust themselves depending on how Jihoon feels then.

He was longing for Seungcheol but he knows he should not. It was him who started avoiding the other anyways. Jihoon decided to avoid the other hoping that while doing so his feeling will disappear but Soonyoung said that it does not work that way. But he still continue avoiding their leader because just being near him makes him sick. Just by hearing the other's voice or by simple touch of the hand he will suddenly feel like throwing up that he has to run to the nearest bathroom or push the flowers back down his throat.

Avoiding the other does not bring him any good tho, while avoiding being 'more' sick Jihoon can't help the ache that he feels in his chest everytime he looks at the eldest from a far especially when Seungcheol will look back at him with worry, confusion and sadness all evident in his eyes.

Jihoon decided that day that he will not avoid Seungcheol anymore, he does not care if his condition worsen as long a he can stay by Seungcheol's side even as his friend only.

* * *

"Good morning" Seungcheol suddenly look up from his seat to see if he heard right, if he really heard Jihoon talking to him. It's been a while.

"J-ji," Seungcheol started "G-good morning to you too." he then continued, he does not really know what to say. The younger just smiled at him his eyes forming beautiful crescents.

When they got out of the dorm to go to the company building Seokmin stopped them before they were able to walk out of the door.

"Seungcheol hyung someone left you something," Seokmin said with his usual bright smile handing their leader a flower.

Seungcheol accepted the flower with a smile "Maybe it's from a fan"

It was a pink camellia. Soonyoung looked at Jihoon knowingly and the latter avoided the eye contact.

It continues like that. For two weeks Seungcheol received the same flower every morning. The members did not question where the flowers came from thinking that they were just from a fan. It was a different story for Soonyoung tho.

"Why are you doing this Jihoonie?" Soonoung asked one night when they were in Jihoon's studio again.

"What? The flowers?" Jihoon said as he focus his attention in his mac, refusing to make eye contact "I don't know. It's about time to make use of the flowers right? It's such a waste if I just throw them away."

"You know that it would make much more difference if you'll tell him that they were from you right?" Soonyoung said "Maybe that would even help you with your condition now."

"I still don't have the courage," Jihoon said with a sigh "but I'll try"

* * *

 

True to his words Jihoon gather all the courage that he can muster two nights after the talk with his bestfriend. They were still in their company building, they were given an hour of break before they start practicing again.

He found Seungcheol on one of the practice rooms they have in the building but he was not prepared for the sight that welcomed him when he entered.

Seungcheol had his back on his direction while he was hugging Jeonghan, the latter had his hands hanging on his sides not hugging back, when he looked up he catches Jihoon's eyes. Jeonghan was crying. He quickly disentangle himself from the hug when he noticed him.

"A-ah, I-I'm sorry I did not mean to. I-I'm going now." Jihoon quickly made his way out of the room and went straight to the bathroom.

He throwed up once he closed the door. It was not like the daily attacks he has been used to, this time he throws up a lot more than his first time. By the time he was done vomiting he felt weak and dizzy. Their one hour break is almost over when he got out of the bathroom. It took Jihoon a while to clean the mess that he made.

"Hyung are you okay? You look like you're going to faint any moment soon" Seungkwan asked once he enters their practice room.

"I don't really feel that well, where are the others?" Jihoon said while sitting on the floor beside the other. It was only the two of them in the room and Mingyu and Wonwoo who are sleeping in one corner.

"I don't know where Seungcheol and Jeonghan hyung are, the others are all in the coffee shop nearby," Seungkwan answered "Do you want to go home? I'll accompany you."

"No need. I think I'll be alright," Jihoon said with a soft smile "Thanks anyway"

They're not still back? Jihoon feels nauseous just by thinking of what the two maybe doing at the moment. They were quiet while waiting for the others to comeback.

It was Jeonghan and Seungcheol who came back first. They were walking side by side and the sight of them made Jihoon feel sick again that he had to run to the bathroom for the second time that night.

"Jihoon what's wrong?" Soonyoung said. Jihoon bumped into him while he was running. Jihoon did not answer, he did not even looked back.

"Jihoon open the door, it's me" Soonyoung said while knocking on the bathroom door. It had been almost fifteen minutes since the younger had run and locked himself in the bathroom. The other members are all worried but Soonyoung told them to go back to practice and he will take care of Jihoon.

After some convincing Jihoon finally let him in. It was the flowers that first caught his attention, it was just too much. Way too much than Jihoon's first attack. Then he noticed Jihoon who was obviously crying.

"What happened?" Soonyoung asked as he hold Jihoon's hands. "Tell me" he said when the younger did not response.

"I-I was planning to tell Seungcheol hyung earlier" Jihoon said his grip on Soonyoung's hand getting tighter "b-but I saw him with Jeonghan hyung. I ran away and this happened. " he said eyeing the flowers scattered all over the floor.

Soonyoung pulled him for a hug "You know that this is not good right? You're condition got worse." He tightened his hug on the younger "Why don't you consider undergoing the surgery?"

"I-I don't know" Jihoon said pulling away from the hug.

They were quiet for a while.

"Think about it okay?" Soonyoung said while wiping the tears on Jihoon's cheeks. "You wait for me outside, I'll clean this up."

"I'll clean this up" Jihoon said.

"No, you're too exhausted. You wait for me outside" Soonyoung said with authority. Jihoon had no choice but to go out. He picked up one flower before exiting the bathroom.

"Are you sure you don't want to go home? You're really pale right now." Soonyojng said as they walk back to the practice room.

"I'm fine hyung. I can manage" Jihoon answered with a force smile.

Jihoon can feel his insides flipping again once he saw Seungcheol inside the room.

"Are you ok Ji? I think you should rest, you don't look fine," Seungcheol said.

"I-Im ok hyung," Jihoon said walking to the other side of the room with Soonyoung following him.

"I told you, we should have gone home" Soonyojng said while rubbing Jihoon's back.

"I'm ok hyung. Let's practice now." Jihoon said lightly swatting Soonyoung's hand.

Soonyoung frowned at him but moved anyway, Jihoon can really be hardheaded at times.

It was five minutes into practice when Jihoon fainted luckily Soonyoung was there to catch him before he could fall into the floor. They brought him back to their dorm. Some of the members argue that he should be taken to the hospital instead but they all know that Jihoon would not want that and he will surely get mad.

"Why do you have to be this stubborn?" Soonyoung said while placing Jihoon in his bed. "I don't really like seeing you like this Jihoonie" he said while fixing Jihoon's hair that is covering his eyes. "Why do you have to experience this?"

* * *

 Jihoon is still not feeling well the next morning. And when all members told him to get rest he had no choice.

Soonyoung take it upon himself to give Seungcheol his daily piece of flower.

"Red Carnations," he said handing the flower to their leader "it means ' **my heart aches for you'**.'"

 

 


	3. Crimson Red Rose

After a week Jihoon's attacks get back to normal. He was thankful, cause throwing up that much is really taking its toll on his body. It was just for a week but his weight loss has been really evident. The boys had been convincing him to go for a check up but he turned all of them down. Until now they are still clueless on what is happening on their producer, well everyone aside from Soonyoung.

"Jihoon, you should really go to the hospital. Have a check up at least" they were in Jihoon's studio again. It became their daily habit to hangout in his studio every night.

"For how many times do I have to tell you, I'm okay." Jihoon said clearly annoyed. "I don't need to go to the hospital."

"I'm just worried Jihoon," Soonyoung said softly "it's clear that your condition has worsened."

"Hyung," Jihoon said holding one of Soonyoung's hands "I'll be okay. If ever I think I really have to go to the hospital, I will tell you. So don't worry okay?"

"Promise?" Soonyoung said holding his pinky finger out.

"Aish. How can you be older than me hyung?" Jihoon said linking his pinky finger to the other nonetheless. "Promise."

"You already know that after the operation I lost my feelings for you right? But you should know by now that you're still so dear to me Jihoonie," Soonyoung said while pulling Jihoon into a bone crushing hug " I just can't lose you"

"I know hyung and don't worry there's no way you're going to lose me" Jihoon said while patting the other in the back both to assure him and to tell him to loosen his grip a bit.

"Uhmmm. Am I interrupting something here?" the two snapped their heads to look at the person at the door.

"No Seungcheol hyung" Soonyoung said letting go of Jihoon "I'm just having a heart-to-heart talk with my little bestfriend here" he said while pinching Jihoon's cheeks.

"Yah! Stop it already. It hurts" Jihoon said. He rubbed his 'attacked' cheeks once the culprit had let go.

"Uhmm. Can I talk with Jihoon?" Seungcheol said eyeing Soonyoung "Alone."

"Call me" Soonyoung whispered to Jihoon before he go out.

Seungcheol closed the door behind him before sitting in the space Soonyoung was occupying earlier.

The room was enveloped with tension and silence for a while. Jihoon was not even sure why he suddenly feel so tensed.

"Soonyoung had confessed to you already?" Seungcheol said after a while.

"W-what? Wait. You knew?" Jihoon asked clearly bewildered by the sudden question.

"I knew he have feelings for you since we're still trainees." Seungcheol said.

"Yes he confessed to me that he indeed HAD feelings for me, but that was years ago, let's just say he got rid of those feelings" Jihoon said. "Why did you ask?"

"Is that so? It does not seem like it. Why don't you give him a chance?" Seungcheol asked.

"Wait a minute Hyung, I can't really see the point of this conversation," Jihoon said "Why are you suddenly pushing me to Soonyoung?"

"First I want to make it clear to you that Jeonghan and I aren't a thing. We're not together. We realized that we don't like each other that way the night you saw us." Seungcheol said.

"You're confusing me hyung, just where exactly is this conversation leading to?" Jihoon said. Though he was relieved to know that Seungcheol and Jeonghan are not together he can't help but feel nervous on what Seungcheol is about to say.

"I know that the flowers were from you Ji" Seungcheol said.

"Y-you knew? H-how?" Jihoon's eyes maybe compared to saucers at this moment because he was beyond shocked.

"The second week, I woke up early and I saw you putting the flower on the front door, I did not talk to you about it until now because I was waiting for you to approach me first." Seungcheol said.

"I was about to talk to you that night when I saw you with Jeonghan hyungl" Jihoon said while fidgeting with his hands.

Seungcheol just nodded on that. They were once again enveloped by silence for a while.

"I'm sorry Ji. I really like you. I mean you are so special to me but I don't think it's enough to return your feelings back." Seungcheol said head hung low.

"It's okay hyung. Don't worry sooner or later I'll get over you." Jihoon said trying hard to fight back the tears that are threatening to fall.

"If only I can return your feelings-"

"Don't worry hyung. Like what Soonyoung said, we can't really force others to love us back. So don't worry." Jihoon said "and please don't say sorry again. It just don't feel right."

"Okay" Seungcheol said.

They just sat there for a while not talking, not even looking at each other.

"It's late, we should go home now." Seungcheol said as he stands up.

"You go first hyung, Soonyoung will be back any time soon" Jihoon said. "Take care on your way home hyung."

"You too Ji," Seungcheol give Jihoon's shoulder a light squeeze before going out of the studio.

* * *

"Where are you hyung?" Jihoon asked right after Soonyoung answered his call.

_I'm here in the lobby, I'm going up there now_

"No, go ahead. I'll go home later. Don't worry I'll take care of myself." Jihoon said.

_Jihoonie are you okay? What happened?_

"I'll be okay. Go home for now, I'll talk to you tomorrow morning. And don't worry about me okay?" Jihoon said before hanging up.

That night Jihoon spent his time producing a song. A song that may not be included in any of their future albums. A song that contains all his heartaches. A song that talks about his condition. A song that he will be the only one to hear.

* * *

 True to his words Jihoon told Soonyoung everything about the talk that he had with Seungcheol.

"I'm so sorry you have to experience this" Soonyoung said while wiping the tears off Jihoon's cheeks.

"Don't be hyung, you did nothing wrong." Jihoon said.

When he was sure that it was only the three of them in the dorm, Soonyoung,Seungcheol and him, he approached their leader.

"Hyung, don't worry this will be the last" Jihoon said handing Seungcheol a rose. Crimson red rose. "Don't worry I've already removed the thorns on that."

A very audible gasp has escaped Soonyoung's mouth. "Jihoon" he said tears threatening to fall.

That morning Jihoon woke with a terrible feeling on his throat. He felt like something is scratching his throat from the inside. When he run to the bathroom to throw up he found out why. That morning Jihoon experienced the worst attack he had since he discovered his disease. He nearly filled the sink with roses. Crimson red roses with thorns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still not really sure of when I'm going to post the last part so I won't promise you anything guys. My sleep-deprived brain is really not in a good condition right now, I still can't make up my mind on how I'm going to end this. I hope you understand if thr next update will take a while. Thank you! :)


	4. Bouquet pt. I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me forever to update. Minahe~

* * *

Two days. Jihoon had been avoiding Soonyoung and Seungcheol for two days. Soonyoung is going mad each day. Jihoon had locked himself in his studio for two days. Soonyoung had knocked and pleaded for countless of times already. He waited for hours but the younger still refused to let him in.

"Hyung please just give me some time alone. Please." Jihoon said. Soonyoung heard the desperate pleading on his voice that he has no choice but to leave and go back to their dorm. On his way back he bumped into Seungkwan.

"Hyung's still not getting out of his cave?" Seungkwan asked.

"No. He does not even want to talk to me. He's really so stubborn. I wonder how I became bestfriends with him." Soonyoung said with a sigh.

"I'll go there. Don't worry I won't go home without him. Trust me with this." Seungkwan pat him on the shoulder before hurrying towards the direction of their company building.

  
"Hyung! It's me open up!" Jihoon was taken away from his train of thoughts because of the loud knocking on the door and the louder voice of Boo Seungkwan that comes along with it.

"What are you doing here? Go home Boo, it's late already." Jihoon said emotionlessly.

"Open this or I'll break this damn door hyung." Seungkwan said and you can clearly hear in his voice that he is dead serious.

"Don't underestimate my power hyung, you know that I can break this door with just one kick" Seungkwan said when he did not get any response.

Jihoon stand up from his seat to open the door. He knows for a fact that Seungkwan can never break his door but sure enough he will not stop bothering him if he don't open the door.

"Ugggh. Let me sit first, I run from the dorm all the way here. I'm so tired! Here," Seungkwan tossed a bottle to Jihoon's direction while making his way to the couch. "That's warm water. I just thought it might help your throat even a bit."

"How did you know? Did Soonyoung tell you?" Jihoon walking back to his seat.

"Of course I'm Boo Seungkwan, there is nothing I don't know. Soonyoung hyung did not tell me anything, he does not even know that I knew." Seungkwan said with a proud smirk on his face.

"So how did you find out?" Jihoon asked while opening the bottle of water. He's not been out for almost a day. He had not eaten or even drank anything.

"I knew it since the first time you had your attack. You know that I'm the embodiment of curiosity so I eavesdropped that night when you call for Soonyoung hyung in the bathroom." Seungkwan confessed. "I heard about the petals so I've done my research the moment I got home."

"You brat! Do you even know the word private?" Jihoon said while smacking Seungkwan's head with the now empty bottle. "Did you tell anyone?"

"Of course not. I was really frustrated to tell anyone but I know you will not like that. I really did my all to keep this mouth shut you should be thankful hyung!" he answered while rubbing his attacked head.

"Thank goodness." Jihoon said with a sigh "So why exactly are you here? What's your agenda?"

"Can't I go and visit you hyung?" Seungkwan said with a pout.

"I know you too well Boo, you won't go here and threaten to break my door just to visit me, so spill" Jihoon said a matter of factly

"Let's go home hyung," Seungkwan said suddenly serious "everyone is worried about you especially Seungcheol and Soonyoung hyung."

"You know I can't. Not just yet"Jihoon said with a sigh. For how many times did he sigh this day? He does not even know. It was too many he lost count already.

"You know that Soonyoung won't let anything bad to happen to you right? He loves you way too much to let that happen so trust him. More than anyone else it's him who you should trust now since he had been in this situation before too." Seungkwan said walking near to where Jihoon is sitting.

"You knew about that too? You brat!" Jihoon said with a scowl on his face.

  
"It doesn't matter now hyung. What matters now is you. Now let's go home before the others become more suspicious on what's really happening to you. If you continue to lock yourself here in your cave they will surely start to ask questions and I can't promise that I can control my mouth any longer." Seungkwan said holding his hand in front of Jihoon.

"I never thought that you will be the one to be successful in persuading me to go out." Jihoon said swatting Seungkwan's hand away.

"Of course, I'm Boo Seungkwan and I'm the best quality" Seungkwan said as they exit the studio.

* * *

 

When they came home everyone is gathered on the living room it was clear that they are waiting for Jihoon to come home. Everyone rose to their feet the moment they saw Jihoon.

"Finally you decided to come out of your studio. How are you feeling?" Jisoo said.

"Yeah, Seungkwan is bothering me too much I had no choice but to go home." Jihoon said with a soft laugh. It makes his heart swell in happiness knowing that his members care about him this much.

"Welcome home hyung" suddenly Minghao was hugging Jihoon.

"I feel so small when you're hugging me like this Minghao-ah" Jihoon said patting the other in the back.

Suddenly it was a chaotic hug with Seungkwan starting everything with "Why are you two hugging without us? You guys are no fun!"

Luckily for Jihoon, Jeonghan was kind enough to calm the boys down "Okay that's enough kids. Give Jihoon some room to breath. You're squeezing the poor kid too much."

"I don't know if I should be grateful or be offended by that hyung" Jihoon said with a pout. Jeonghan just pat his head and that makes Jihoon pout more.

"How come you came with Seungkwan? I'm offended Lee Jihoon!" Soonyoung said with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Now don't act like a kid hyung. Can you blame me? This brat right here threatened to break my door." Jihoon said while playfully hitting Seungkwan in the head for the second time that night.

"As if he can break that door, he might end up breaking his bones instead" Hansol said while messing Seungkwan's hair.

"Okay kids that's enough now let Ji take a rest and you all go to sleep too." suddenly Seungcheol was on his side, arms draped over his shoulders.

The others went to their rooms after saying good night to everyone. It was Jihoon, Seungcheol, Soonyoung, Seungkwan and Hansol who are left on the living room.

"You're not yet going to bed?" Seungcheol asked.

"You go ahead hyung I still have something to talk to Jihoon hyung" Hansol said.

"Okay then. Good night. Don't take too long, you still have to rest." Seungcheol gave Jihoon's shoulder a squeeze before he disappeared in one of the rooms.

The moment Seungcheol closed the door of his room Jihoon run to the bathroom and throw up there. Being in the same place with Seungcheol and having even the slightest physical contact with him is driving Jihoon's body crazy.

"So you also have an idea on what's happening? I thought you never told anyone Boo Seungkwan?" Jihoon said while heading to the couch with Soonyoung assisting him. He hates to be treated like a handicapped but Jihoon can't really walk in his own after the attack he had just gone through. Since that day when he started throwing up roses, every attack had been more frequent, more painful.

"Seriously hyung! I really did not tell anyone. I don't even know he knew! Yah! You! How did you found out?" Seungkwan asked the Hansol.

"Yah Boo! Lower down your voice." Soonyoung said while sitting beside Jihoon.

"Well, I noticed Kwannie searching about something one night. I asked him what it was about and he said it was nothing but I'm sure it was something cause he was so serious and Boo Seungkwan is never serious" he was cut by a rather painful jab in the ribs "What? It's true! Going back, I really got curious on what it was about so I searched his web history when he was aleep. That's how I found about it."

"How did you even know his phone lock Hansol-ah?" Jihoon asked.

"They're together, of course they new each others' phone lock hyung" Soonyoung said.

"You're together? Since when? Why did I not know about this" Jihoon asked clearly shocked. It was clear that Hansol have some feelings for the other but he does not know that Seungkwan do feel the same for him.

"Since two weeks ago. You don't know because you spent more time on your cave than in this dorm" Seungkwan answered.

"You've been distancing yourself away from us too much Jihoon hyung, I'm really worried, well everyone is." Hansol said sitting on a chair. Seungkwan followed him eventually and sat on his lap like it's a normal thing for them, well it's pretty normal for the two of them.

"I'm sorry about that. I just don't want any of you to worry about me too much. You should've not known any of this either but since you do now, promise me you won't tell anyone." Jihoon said leaning back on the couch.

"Are you ok Jihoonie? You look really sick right now." Soonyoung said pulling the younger closer to himself.

"Hyung I think it's about time to tell someone-" Seungkwan started but he was immediately cut by Jihoon.

"I just told you not to tell anyone Boo Seungkwan" Jihoon said irritated.

"But hyung, you're disease is not a joke! You've been throwing up roses for goodness sake! How can you overcome that with only us on your side? We're still a bunch of kids hyung!" Seungkwan said his voice rising a tone.

"He's right hyung. Atleast tell your parents." Hansol said while hugging his boyfriend from the back to calm him down. "Hyung, we just don't want anything to happen to you."

"Jihoonie, they're right. Your parents will find out about this eventually anyways. Don't you think it will be better if you will be the one to inform them?" Soonyoung said.

"This is why I don't want any of you to know. You're starting to worry too much." Jihoon sighed in defeat. "Okay fine. I'll tell them tomorrow. Can we rest now? I feel really exhausted."

* * *

 

Jihoon is now laying on his bed for an hour already. Though he is truly exhausted both physically and emotionally he can't bring himself to sleep. Everyone in the room he is sharing with the others are all asleep and there he was thinking of the conversation he had with Seungcheol the other night.

He should've expected it, he won't be even this sick if Seungcheol loves him too in the first place. But it still hurts him so much hearing directly from him.

He had known Seungcheol for many years now. They have trained the longest together among all the other members. They have spent a lot of bad and mostly good times together. They have known each other like the back of their hands. Jihoon can't even remember when he started loving the other. It just came naturally and unexpectedly, he just realized that he was in love with his bestfriend of all people. He decided to distance himself from Seungcheol a little amd that's when Soonyoung came. He spent more time with Soonyoung but he is still close with Seungcheol at the same time. Distancing himself from Seungcheol did not help in forgetting and erasing his feelings for the other though, it just grew even deeper.

The sound of the door opening break Jihoon from his deep thoughts. Someone had entered their room. Jihoon closed his eyes pretending his asleep. He then felt the bed dip on his left side, someone sat beside him.

"Ji,"

**_Seungcheol_**. Jihoon kept his eyes closed.

"I have no idea on what is really happening on you know. I can't ask you cause I know you won't tell me. You don't like people to worry about you Ji but I'm still worried. I'm glad you have Soonyoung on your side now, but I want to be there too." Seungcheol heaved a deep sigh while reaching out to fix Jihoon's fringe that is covering his eyes.

"I know I don't have the right to be with you after hurting you so much. But" Seungcheol kept on playing with Jihoon's fringe for awhile "but I really miss you Ji."

Jihoon's eyes almost shoot open when he felt a pair of soft lips on his forehead.

"I. . . I. . . I really" Seungcheol heaved another deep sigh "Please be okay Ji. You are too special to me. Please, I can't lose you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last part will be uploaded soon. Thank you! :)


	5. Bouquet pt II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this will be the last chapter. *cries in a corner

After Seungcheol left his room that night Jihoon cried himself to sleep. His health condition got a lot worse after that night. He kept on throwing up for every other damn hour. It was truly exhausting. He can feel his body giving up on him already. It had been two days after that night. And Jihoon had been in his weakest. It was beyond his imagination. He can't even stand on his own for ten minutes. He was glad that Soonyoung, Seungkwan and Hansol were there to help him but he doesn't like the fact that he was bothering them too much. Even the other members are taking care of him even if they are still clueless on Jihoon's true condition. They asked him for many times already but Jihoon had always kept his mouth shut.

Jihoon is in his studio again, there's nothing to do and even if there's something he can't. Jihoon does not seem capable in producing these days since he can't keep his mind off things. Like the regular nights spent there for almost two months now, Soonyoung is with him and they were joined by the Seungkwan as well. But unlike those nights this one is not quite peaceful, Jihoon is in a heated argument with Seungkwan. The latter had been convincing him to go to the hospital since yesterday.

"For how many times do I have to tell you that I don't want to?! I. Don't. Want." Jihoon exclaimed. The heated argument is draining his energy. They've been into it for almost an hour now.

"You don't want to because you're afraid!" Seungkwan shouted back. He was glad Hansol was not with them at that moment, the younger might question his decision on dating him if he see him this mad right now.

"Afraid? Why will I be afraid?!" Jihoon's pretty sure his throat will rip out if they continue this. He has thorns inside his throat now and he's still shouting.

"Because you don't want to lose your fucking feelings for Seungcheol hyung!" It was his loudest shout that night and it goes straight to Jihoon's heart.

"W-what are you talking about?" Jihoon managed to say in his shocked state.

"You know that there's no other way to get rid of that fucking roses but to undergo that surgery because our idiot leader can't return your feelings!" Seungkwan is crying now "Y-you're slowly d-dying hyung." it was hard form him to say the fact that Jihoon is indeed slowly killing himself "THE ONLY POSSIBLE WAY IS THAT SURGERY AND YOU DON'T WANT TO DO IT BECAUSE YOU WILL LOSE YOUR FEELING FOR SEUNGCHEOL ALONG WITH THAT DAMN FLOWERS!" with that Seungkwan run out of his studio.

Jihoon felt his knees weakening that he had to immediately sit on the couch before he fall down. Soonyoung sit beside him and envelopes him in a hug. He sobbed really hard on the older's shoulder. The other caressing his back gently to calm him down.

"W-why does he need to be right everytime?" Jihoon managed to say in between sobs.

Soonyoung did not reply on that because Seungkwan is indded right. His bestfriend is dying in front of his eyes and he can't even do anything. It's all in Jihoon's hands. He's the one who has power over his fate.

  
Seungcheol is alone in their practice room. They just finished their promotions recently and they were given their much deserved break. He was slumped on the floor after he drained himself from dancing. He was thinking a lot lately.

"Hyung" Hansol called who have just entered the practice room. "Catch." He throws a bottle in Seungcheol's direction.

Seungcheol sat up in time to catch the bottle of water. "You scared me Hansol-ah. What are you doing here?"

"Kwanie left his sweater in the vocal room, I came to pick it up. I remembered you're here so I also came to check on you." Hansol said while moving to sit beside his hyung.

The room was filled with silence as Seungcheol finished his drink.

"Where's Seungkwan by the way?" he asked as he effortlessly throw the bottle on the bin in the other corner of the room.

"He's with Soonyoung hyung and Jihoon hyung" Hansol answered. Seungcheol shifted in his seat after he heard Jihoon's name and Hansol noticed the action.

"You have feelings for Jihoon hyung right?" Hansol asked.

"Why are you so afraid hyung?" Hansol asked again when Seungcheol did not answer.

"We've been bestfriends for so long Hansol-ah. I don't want to ruin that." Seungcheol said with a sigh "And I'm not even sure of my feelings for him. I'm just afraid I might hurt him."

"But you're hurting him right now hyung." Hansol said with a hint of irritation in his voice. Seriously this guy beside him is the oldest out of them and he can't even realize that?

"I know and I'm such an idiot because of that. But he's my bestfriend and I just want the best for him and I don't think it's me." Seungcheol said. He really looked like a lost puppy right now.

"Kwannie and I are bestfriends too you know? And we're doing pretty good." Hansol said proudly. "And you don't have to chose what's best for Jihoon hyung. It is you that he chose in the first place."

"Think about it hyung. Jihoon hyung is slowly crashing into pieces and you're the reason behind it. If you really care so much about him, you gotta acknowledge your feelings for him." Hansol said with his most serious tone ever.

They were once again engulfed by silence, then suddenly a loud scream filled up the whole floor where the practice room is located.

"HANSOL! YAH! WHERE ARE YOU?!" it was Seungkwan. He opened the door to their practice room and Hansol was shocked at the sight before him. There in the door is his boyfriend who really looks like a mess right now. He get on his feet and walked to Seungkwan's direction in lightning speed.

Hansol hugged Seungkwan tightly once he approached him. "What happened?" he then release his hug from the other to wipe away his tears.

"Can we go home now?" Seungkwan answered instead.

"Okay. Let's go home and you'll tell me about it okay?" Hansol snaked his arms in the other's waist and together they left the room without even saying goodbye or even a glance to Seungcheol.

Seungcheol is really happy for Seunhkwan and Hansol, indeed he envy them. They are brave enough to step up their relationship further and there he was too afraid to admit his feelings for Jihoon because he does not want to ruin their friendship that eventually got ruined too and it's all because of him.

He remembered the first time he saw Jihoon. They were really awkward with each other at first. But eventually the short boy with chubby cheeks and beautiful eye smiles became his friend. They spent their trainee days together. They've seen a lot of trainees come and go, some of them successful enough that they debuted before them.

There were times when he thought of giving up but Jihoon was always by his side. They promised each other that they'll reach there dreams together. They would never leave each other's side.

They've been through a lot both bad and good but mostly good times and they went through everything with each other.

Seungcheol can't imagine his future without Jihoon.

* * *

 

Soonyoung lost track of time. Jihoon had cried for so long he eventually fell asleep in his embrace. He had no other choice but to carry him in his back all the way from the company building to the dorm. It was a 10 minute walk normally but since he needs to be extra careful because of the man sleeping peacefully in his back it became a 20 minute walk.

He gently placed Jihoon on his bed. Almost everybody was asleep when he finally made it home. Only Seungkwan and Hansol was awake talking in the living room. Hansol had nodded in his direction acknowledging their presence while Seungkwan chose to look away.

Soonyoung sat in Jihoon's bed after tucking him in. He look over Jihoon. He had really lost a lot of weight for the past two months. His chubby cheeks are now gone and he is really pale. But he looks so peaceful while sleeping like that.

Soonyoung reached down to wipe a tear that rolled down on Jihoon's cheeks.  _He's even crying while asleep._  "Jihoonie, you promised me." He moved his hands to fix his fringe. "I can't lose you. You promised Jihoonie." With that he walked out of the room with tears easily making its way down on his cheeks.

* * *

 

It was already 6 AM the next day when Seungcheol came home. When he entered their dorm he was welcomed by the sound of someone gagging in the bathroom. He immediately run to reach the bathroom knowing that it was Jihoon.

"Ji, open this door!" Seungcheol knocked on the door so hard he hurt his knuckles. He did not hear any respond from Jihoon instead he heard shallow breathing. "Ji, please open this!" Then there was a loud noise of something falling coming from inside.

Seungcheol was left with no choice but to break the door. He kicked it real hard.

Jihoon was laying on the cold bathroom floor by the sink. And Seungcheol sees blood in the corner of his mouth, when he looked at the sink he found it covered by nothing but blood. He hear a loud gasp from the door and found Jeonghan and Jisoo standing there.

Seungcheol immediately scooped Jihoon. "Can you please wake up Soonyoung real fast?" he asked the other two but he found there's no need because Soonyoung is already on his way to the bathroom.

"Soonyoung grab a taxi, we're taking Jihoon to the hospital. Make it quick!" Seungcheol commanded and you can clearly hear the panic in his voice.

"Jeonghan call the manager and please don't let the kids see this." Seungcheol said eyeing the bathroom before he runs out of the dorm in lightning speed with Jihoon in his arms.

* * *

 

Soonyoung was the one talking to the doctor when they arrived in the emergency room in the hospital. Seungcheol can't hear what they are talking about. His heart is beating hard on his chest and it's the only thing he can hear now. He may look really creepy right now staring blankly at Jihoon laying unconscious in the hospital bed who is now surrounded by some nurses. He looks really pale right now only the blood covering his mouth gives his face some color. Seungcheol can't take his eyes off Jihoon, he did not even dare to blink once afraid that when he do Jihoon will disappear from his sight.

He had never been this afraid his whole life.

"NO! NO! PLEASE! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! PLEASE! I NEED TO SEE HIM!" Seungcheol pleaded with all his might when he was ushered out of the room by some nurses. Soonyoung was no difference he was basically trashing around. "PLEASE! DON'T DO THIS"

"I'm sorry but you need to stay outside." the nurse really look apologetic as he close the door in his face.

There was a look of pure terror in Seungcheol's face. He don't know how long he stands there right in front of the door before Soonyoung pulled him to sit on the chair nearby.

Soonyoung was saying something to him but he can't comprehend whatever it is. His heart is beating hard, his head is throbbing and he can't really breath properly. He figures anytime soon he will collapse right there and the he'll be laying in the bed next to Jihoon.  _That would be better than sitting there_.

He was brought back to the world when Jihoon's parents came. They immediately approached them.

"Seungcheol what happened?" Jihoon's dad asked. Jihoon's dad looks relaxed but deep inside he is trembling horribly, he's sure that soon enough he will breakdown.

"I-I don't know." Seungcheol said his head hung low.  _Stupid. I don't even know what really happened to Jihoon._

Just then a doctor came out from the emergency room. They all hurriedly walk towards him.

"I'm guessing your the parents of the patient," Mr. and Mrs. Lee nodded "Your child had what we called Hanahaki Disease, it's some sort of disease that you get when you experience unrequited love and you starts throwing up flowers."

**_H-hanahaki Disease? U-Unrequited love? It's all because of me. Jihoon is suffering because of me?_ **

"We actually prepared him for the operation to remove the plant inside him and the disease itself but it was already gone." the doctor said. Soonyoung looked at Seungcheol with wide eyes. "But the disease had left quite a lot of damage on him. We see that the flowers he had throwed up were roses and it was the most dangerous kind in this disease because of its thorns." the doctor looked at Jihoon's parents with such empathy that it did not even help Seungcheol relax though it was not even directed at him "Some thorns pierced his throat, some part of his lungs and there's also one in his heart."

Everyone was shocked after what the doctor had said. Jihoon's mother started sobbing and his father does not look relax at all he looks like he's about to faint so were Seungcheol and Soonyoung.

"We're doing our best. He is currently undergoing some operation under a doctor that specialized in the area." the doctor continued "Jihoon had lost a lot of blood so the operation is going a little complicated. It has 50/50 chance." the doctor said reaching out to pat Mr. and Mrs. Lee's hands wich were interlocked. "We promise you our doctor and all of our personnels our doing their best. Let's all hope for the best and pray, that would help a lot." the doctor smiled at them, it's not a smile of mockery it's the other way round, that smile seems to make them believe, believe that Jihoon will make it through.

After the doctor had left they all returned to their seats without a word.

"I-it's all my fault. I-I did this to Jihoon." Seungcheol said griiping his hair so bad his scalp might bleed any moment.

Suddenly Jihoon's mother is hugging him "It's okay Seungcheol. Jihoon will be okay, he's a strong kid. And you love him. The disease will still be there if you don't and it's gone now because you love him."

Seungcheol cried really hard on Jihoon's mother's embrace. "I'm so sorry this is all my fault." He apologized over and over again.

"Seungcheol we need to be strong for Jihoon okay?" Jihoon's dad said while patting him in the back which made him relax a little.

* * *

He was in the chapel when Soonyoung sat next to him.

"Thank you." Soonyoung said.

"You should be angry right now, what are you thanking me for?" Seungcheol said without facing the other.

"For loving Jihoon." Soonyoung said and Seungcheol now turned to look at him. "If you did not Jihoon would probably still suffering from that disease and it would have been worse than now."

"I should've have just realized my feelings for him earlier, this would've not happened." Seungcheol said and he suddenly felt like crying again.

"Cry and I will punch you. I'm not even joking." Soonyoung said.

They were quiet for a while with Seungcheol trying his best not to cry.

"The flower he last gave me," Seungcheol started after realizing that the flowers given to him were literally from Jihoon. "it was a crimson red rose. What does that flower mean?" he asked.

"Here" Soonyoung gave him his phone "search the internet for meaning. I'm pretty sure Google will be glad to help." Soonyoung patted him in the shoulder before he went out of the chapel and he was left all alone again.

He typed  _crimson red rose meaning_  on the search engine and clicked on the very first link.

There was a whole paragraph that explains the meaning of the flower but Seungcheol only registered two words ' **death** ' and ' **mourning** '.

* * *

 

Seungcheol felt really terrible after that. He had moved back to where the other's are waiting for news about Jihoon. All the other members are all there. The hallway is way too crowded but no one even tried to tell them to move somewhere. The others tried to talk to him for many times but he did not even utter a single word to them, it's like he can't hear them which is true because he can hear nothing but his thoughts and it's making him deaf to the world. He did not even move when a doctor exits from the emergency room.

"Seungcheol, the operation is finished." It was Jihoon's mother and he looked up. Mrs. Lee might have noticed the confusion written all over his face because she repeated what she just said. "The operation is finished."

"Jihoon, how is he?" Seungcheol asked, his voice rising a bit and he realized that, "I'm sorry." he said.

"He was moved to the ICU, he still haven't woken up yet and he is still under observation." Mrs. Lee reached for his hand and pulled him ip. "Now let's go and visit my baby."

Seungcheol is now outside the ICU with the others. Mr. and Mrs. Lee are inside talking to Jihoon. They look so calm like there's not a lot of wires attached to their son's body. It seems like they are talking to Jihoon normally. When they finally got out they come to Seungcheol.

"Your turn," Jihoon's dad said while he pat him on the shoulder.

He was really anxious when he closed the door of the ICU behind him. Slowly he approached Jihoon's bed. He take Jihoon's appearance into heart and reminds himself that it was all because of him.

"J-Ji," he tried to start but fails miserably because right then he started crying really hard. "Ji, I'm so sorry. I did this to you. I'm an awful bestfriend, an awful person. I'm sorry Jihoon." Seungcheol managed to say in between sobs. He reached for Jihoon's hand and held it on his own. It feels so cold in his touch. He apologized for so many times.

Then there's a sudden beeping sound. When he looked at the heartbeat monitor in his side he see it decreasing rapidly. He started to panic.

"Ji! Ji! No! No! Please Jihoon! I love you! Please don't leave me! Ji!" He held Jihoon's face in his hands and kissed him firmly then suddenly someone was pulling him out of the room. "Ji! Please! I love you! Don't leave me please!" he shouted before the door finally shut on him.

* * *

 

Seungcheol is now walking alone with a bouquet of red crimson rose in his hand. It's been a month since thay day in the ICU and Seungcheol can't forget that day. He still blames himself for everything that happened to Jihoon even if the members and even Jihoon's parents constantly reminds him that it's not his fault. He is still hunt by nightmares every night with the same scene playing over and over again.

Seungcheol opened the door to where he had been visiting Jihoon for the last month. He placed the bouquet on the side.

"Hi Jihoon. How long has it been since the last time we talked? It's been more than a month. I don't really know how I managed to survive in those one awful month. I really missed hearing your voice." Seungcheol is now crying again, he cries every fucking day. "I found that song you produced amd I can't help but to miss you more. The song is painful itself but the fact that I want to hear it from you personally but I can't makes it more painful." Seungcheol tried to wipe away his tears but it won't stop falling. "I really miss you Ji. I love you." Seungcheol burried his face in his hands as he cries harder.

"H-hyung" Seungcheol looked up from his position and he saw Jihoon slowly opening his eyes.

"Ji, you're awake! O my god! You're awake Ji!" Seungcheol held Jihoon's hand on his own and kissed them. "O my god! Ji! I love you! I really really do!" Seungcheol said now holding Jihoon's face in his hands. He kissed the younger in the forehead before enveloping him in a tight hug. "I'm so happy Ji! I love you so much!"

"I love you too hyung" Jihoon managed to say in his soft voice as he silently cries because of too much happiness.

The meaning of the rose is right then. Seungcheol had reread it many times for the past month that Jihoon had been in coma and it was right.

_**"The dark crimson rose has a meaning that has two sides. On one side it’s about sadness and mourning and death. On another, it has a more joyous meaning - rebirth and love."** _

They were given a shot on second chance and Seungcheol will make sure to make the best of it because he loves Jihoon so much.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it as much as I do. Thank you so mich for giving this story some of your time. ♡♡♡

**Author's Note:**

> Feedbacks will be very much appreciated. Thank you so much!


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